Emotion regulation is a common topic in our virtual parent group, Community Connect: A Group for Parents of Children and Adolescents with ADHD. Parents often ask:
How can I support my child during public meltdowns?
I try to help my child when they’re upset, but it just escalates - what can I do?
How can I help my child face hard things without coddling or avoiding challenges?
These questions highlight the challenges parents face when supporting their children’s emotional growth. Below are some evidence-based emotion regulation strategies for children with ADHD, though many of these tips are helpful for all families working on emotional regulation.
Note: This blog is not a substitute for individual therapy. If you have further questions or concerns, please connect with a clinician.
Understanding How Emotions Work
To provide proactive support, it helps to understand the four-step emotional process as outlined by Dr. Russell Barkley in 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD:
Situation – A triggering event occurs (e.g., someone takes a toy or teases your child).
Attention – The event grabs your child’s undivided attention, often making regulation difficult.
Appraisal – Your child’s brain evaluates the situation for danger. Whether the danger is real or perceived (e.g., teasing or loud noises), their brain reacts as if the threat is real.
Response – The emotional response is usually quick, strong, and impulsive, often overtaking their ability to problem-solve.
Research shows that intervening early in this process helps prevent triggering situations and improves emotional management. Dr. Barkley highlights six ways to intervene, but the first three steps are the most effective for children.
Key Emotion Regulation Strategies for Children
1. Choose the Situation
Set your child up for success by choosing situations they can manage without triggering emotional responses. Avoid consistently difficult situations for now. Over time, as their executive functioning improves, they’ll gain better control over their emotional responses.
2. Modify the Situation
When unavoidable situations arise, consider how to adapt them to reduce emotional intensity. Modifications can include:
Adjusting the environment: Sit away from loudspeakers or find a less crowded space.
Setting time limits: End sibling games early to ensure success and gradually extend the time as your child gains confidence.
Planning ahead: Arrive at events early to avoid rushing or leave early to minimize engagement with triggers.
3. Focus or Redirect Attention
If the situation can’t be avoided or modified, redirect your child’s focus. Clear expectations and achievable incentives can help your child succeed.
Example Scenario: Your child needs to wait for a sibling’s piano lesson, which often leads to emotional outbursts.
Set clear expectations:
Stay in the waiting room.
Use an indoor voice.
Provide incentives: A token for a reward system or a small treat afterward.
Be prepared with activities: Bring sticker books, toys, or let them use a device to take photos. You could also engage with them directly by playing a game, reading aloud, or building something together.
The Importance of a Supportive Approach
Parenting a child with ADHD can look different, and that’s okay. Supporting your child with empathy, proactive planning, and a focus on success allows them to build emotional regulation skills. It’s okay to parent from a place of understanding - it leads to long-term growth and resilience.
For more information on guiding your child with ADHD, check out Dr. Barkley’s book, 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD.